Where to begin?

Well, I'd start with the story but today just isn't the day. It's been one month and 3 days since our beautiful boy came to earth, via me! He was born still...yet the most beautiful little man I have ever seen. Today, I have a bit more peace of course counseling and support groups can do that for you for a bit plus, just feeling that he's with me helps too. If you haven't been in my shoes, which mind you I hope you never are, you just wouldn't understand. To lose a child is the most extreme pain one can experience and of course we all feel it in a different way. My pain will always seem worse than the next persons, no matter what because it is mine! So today my pain is mine and we'll go from there! Yet in the same token today I am calm...not tired not really sad just calm. Better than the last few days which have been my usual roller coaster HELL! Everyday seemed to get worse instead of better, how could my day get better? My son is no longer inside of me and yet he is not here to hold. Books could help but you can read too much and I am searching for people who know the shoes in which I walk. So if you are out there and can offer some more peace, PLEASE, HELP! I promise to answer you and to be as compassionate as I can. This is where I begin...I don't want it to be the end of anything, I know I will see William again, I can somehow gain strength from that but I need help getting through the everyday junk!