Good night, sweet prince: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest...
-William Shakespeare

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
-Rose Kennedy

Saturday, January 26, 2008

A post a day, keeps the sorrows at bay?

I wish that were true! Sometimes, I just need to write about him or my thoughts so that's why I started this blog!
The counselor said to try to put my thoughts aside and honor them at the end of the day. I did that yesterday. When asked if I had my baby yet, I said yes, but he was born still so...and I left it at that. The person that asked said, not that it's any consolation but your young, you can try again. Instead of saying my rude comment like: How the hell do you know and it wouldn't help matters I want my son dammit. I held it in until I got in the car and then I cried on the way home!
On a better note, I have my tickets to see John Edward who has given me my only peace via the boob tube! I am coaxing Shan into going for my selfish reasons! I want his Mom to come through and tell us that she is holding our little man! He, however is afraid she'll say things he doesn't want to hear! I don't believe that is how it works but I guess we will wait and see! Mr. Edward doesn't come here until May so I figure that is enough time to do the coaxing!
Mr. Edward is the one of the reasons that I have yet to say, "my son is dead." I just don't think of him as being dead, I feel him around me everyday, I truly believe that he is why I get out of bed everyday. That and the fact that Shan just can't be quiet! I know that William, (name meaning: Determined Guardian) is watching over me and pulling me through my crap days.
Of course everyday is a crap day and they seem to get longer and time seems to be standing still. I try to smile, forcing the happiness but I can only take one hour at a time. I need to shower as I stink but that takes so much energy and I just don't know that I have it in me. My sweat pants could I think stand on their own if given the chance and a bra, what the hell is that?
I think I will try to put posting aside for a day or two, but I seem to be addicted to this stupid computer! Maybe it's because of the heartfelt words I get from other bloggers or my co-dependent ways of checking in on others. I'm not sure.
I realize now that I am blabbering and need to stop as not to embarrass myself, blabbering is part of the grief, it just gives me diarreah of the mouth and hands! So, I will end this now! Good luck on your weekends and may peace be with all of you!


Katie said...

Found you through Mel's Lost and Found. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of William Henry. I wish you peace during this awful time.

HLHArts said...

Don't even worry about blabbering! Talking through your feelings and thoughts is going to help you get through all of this. We're here to listen, and to offer whatever little bits of help and peace we might be able to have.

Antigone said...

I really believe that talking, even if its only online, will help.