I joined the Y yesterday. I love the facilities. The tour was fabulous and pretty much sold me on the fact that yes, I need to lose a ton of weight. Tonight was my first water aerobics class, a.) I love the water b.) I'm currently too heavy to bounce around on a floor for aerobics c.) I have a friend who does this with me. It was a high intensity class, I pushed myself and I now have tons of energy.
Being as it is a family place there were children there. It was alright, even the baby strollers and babies. What got to me was when the instructor grabbed a book and said, "I'd like you to remember, that if you look to the sun, you cannot see the shadows." I teared up. I like the shadows. I like the sun but I like the shadows more, the shadows make me remember where I have been. This shadow I live in will always follow me, it is the shadow of my life.
The new me however will with a lot of work have a smaller, thinner shadow. This shadow will still be that of my past life, but will hold a little bit of sun for my future.
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Thank you, too all who commented on my last post. I didn't mean to sound so angry. I'm not. I know now that I need to be the one to instigate conversation about William. I need to start being who I was before and not caring who I upset in this process. I know that sounds cold, I'm not cold, I promise. I have a need to talk about my son. I have to be the one who initiates these conversations and from now on I will be.
4 comments:
I would hardly call you cold, hon. Far from it, actually.
Good luck with the weight loss. Good for you for joining the Y. As for me, I haven't summoned the motivation to get my ass on the treadmill yet. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not.
I am so proud of you! Exercising is awesome, but for a lot of people (ME) a tough step to take. Just remember to take it slow, have as much fun as possible, and don't stress!
I like the shadows too. But maybe think of them differently. The shadows are not always dark and lonely, they can be cool and safe, a place to rest from the heat of the day... so hanf on to the positive side of it!
Of course you need to talk about William. Just so you know, if you ever really have that need, you can always call me. We can talk about our sons forever!
You're the opposite of cold, love.
And congrats on taking that first step towards feeling better. The gym is a miracle.
Um, no, you aren't cold. And not only do you need to mention William Henry, and his name, and his short life, and your memories and your hopes and dreams for him, you have an absolute right to.
Keep talking away about him. If nothing else, and if others won't listen, post here about him. We like hearing about him.
((hugs))
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