I joined the Y yesterday. I love the facilities. The tour was fabulous and pretty much sold me on the fact that yes, I need to lose a ton of weight. Tonight was my first water aerobics class, a.) I love the water b.) I'm currently too heavy to bounce around on a floor for aerobics c.) I have a friend who does this with me. It was a high intensity class, I pushed myself and I now have tons of energy.
Being as it is a family place there were children there. It was alright, even the baby strollers and babies. What got to me was when the instructor grabbed a book and said, "I'd like you to remember, that if you look to the sun, you cannot see the shadows." I teared up. I like the shadows. I like the sun but I like the shadows more, the shadows make me remember where I have been. This shadow I live in will always follow me, it is the shadow of my life.
The new me however will with a lot of work have a smaller, thinner shadow. This shadow will still be that of my past life, but will hold a little bit of sun for my future.
Thank you, too all who commented on my last post. I didn't mean to sound so angry. I'm not. I know now that I need to be the one to instigate conversation about William. I need to start being who I was before and not caring who I upset in this process. I know that sounds cold, I'm not cold, I promise. I have a need to talk about my son. I have to be the one who initiates these conversations and from now on I will be.