Good night, sweet prince: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest...
-William Shakespeare

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
-Rose Kennedy

Sunday, April 20, 2008

The end of the road

Driving to work at 2:30am this morning, on an emergency call. Half asleep, driving to a hospital in town, trying to dial on my half dead cell phone, I hear tires squealing in front of me. I look up to see a VW Bug swerving to the right. I follow suit, luckily! I notice as I am less than 200 feet away a car in the middle of the road, rammed into the median on the highway, I notice less than a second after 2 teenagers running across the highway away from the car that is smashed. I miss the car and the kids, only to notice 6 other cars pulled aside, they must have seen the accident that had to of occured no more than 5 minutes prior to my passing through.

I keep driving, wondering if it was a dream. I reach for my phone to call the hospital to let them know that I am on my way, my hands are shaking. It must have been real, it's the only sign that I have any adrenaline in my body. It must not have been my time. Had I hit the car that was in the middle of the road, I not only would have totalled my car but driving 55 miles per hour I surely would have hurt myself, if not killed myself. Truth be known, I didn't see my life flash before my eyes, I did feel a force beyond my control pulling my car away from the wreckage, veering away from the kids in the middle of the highway. I cannot explain it but all I can say is that there was something beyond my control, keeping me from a horrific accident. Was it William? Was it my Guardian Angel? I have no clue, all I know is today as I tried to sleep the thought kept coming to my mind, it isn't my time, why? Why am I still here, what else do I have to accomplish here on earth? If I may be so bold, I believe that I have something great to accomplish here, whether it be having living children or something else, there is something to be done here.

My sister, the wonderful person she is leaves a message on my machine, "Hi, Amy it's me B, it's about 6:15. I'm just calling to let you know that I don't have to work at church on Mother's Day. I didn't know what your plans are but call me." Knowing my sister, she's thinking about me. I call her back and tell her, that honestly, I haven't thought about it, I'm trying not to. I may very well stay at home in bed and pull the covers over my head, and sleep the day away. She said, yes that could be a very good option but if you want to I can find somewhere for the kids to go and you and I can just go walk in the park or something. I love my family, they think about me, they think in advance about how crappy, a Hallmark day is going to be for me. I love that I have such a good family and that my sister of all people, is going above and beyond to take care of me and my feelings, B, I love you and I thank you for being my sister. I may not have been able to choose you but I am grateful that you are my friend and my sister!

Last Round for music this week, found yet another one of my favorite songs that seems to fit the bill here in blogland. Pink Floyd - On the turning away:

On the turning away
From the pale and downtrodden
And the words they say
Which we won't understand
Dont accept that whats happening
Is just a case of others suffering
Or youll find that youre joining in
The turning away

Its a sin that somehow
Light is changing to shadow
And casting its shroud
Over all we have known
Unaware how the ranks have grown
Driven on by a heart of stone
We could find that were all alone
In the dream of the proud

On the wings of the night
As the daytime is stirring
Where the speechless unite
In a silent accord
Using words you will find are strange
And mesmerized as they light the flame
Feel the new wind of change
On the wings of the night

No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away
From the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
Its not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there'll be
No more turning away?

I am hoping that we don't keep getting the cold shoulder from friends and family and that there'll be no more turning away, from all of us.

I will more than likely be lurking this week, I'm worn out and crabby! Just know that I am thinking of you all and if I neglect to comment, it's not that I don't care, my words are failing me this week. Lack of sleep does that to you! Love you all!


STE said...

Hi, Amy, I'm so glad you are all right after your near miss. Your sister sounds wonderful, so thoughtful and loving to you on this crappy of crappy days.

Just got off the phone with my dad, kind of a heart to heart about what life has been like recently for me. We clarified some things, and he was very sweet, but it just breaks my heart all over again when I hear his voice crack a little. I'm glad I can share with him, but I don't want him to share in this, don't want him to understand it. It's a lot that he's willing to listen, though.

Wish we could all just turn away. Music is so evocative. So glad you're here, Amy, and that you're safe!

~S said...

Ohmygoodness! I'm so glad you are OK! That is so scary. Sorry I missed your call last night...I'll try you again tonight. This has got to be the longest game of phone tag ever! Can't wait to chat...

yummysushipajamas said...

First of all, I am SO pleased that you're alright. Second, I would like to offer the opinion that William IS your guardian angel.

I very much believe that we all have something great to do here in our lives, but that those of us who have lost have something even bigger to accomplish. I wouldn't say we were "chosen" to lose, but I do believe it was us and not other people because we are exceptionally strong and can make it through.

Now it is our job to figure out how to make that strength go farther, share it somehow, you know? You are already doing amazing things. Without you, Project Flutter would not have gotten going at all!

I am so thankful that you have your sweet sister to keep you company. I say go out and enjoy the day with other people. Just avoid restaurants. That's my plan.

c. said...

I am more than relieved to hear you avoided...well, tragedy. You must have just been beside yourself.

I'm sorry you are feeling crabby and not yourself. No need to apologize though; we are all entitled to those days (I have had many of my own, in fact). Take care of yourself, Amy, so you are strong enough to accomplish those good things you are meant to. Thinking of you. Hope you are back soon. XO.

Becky said...

Wow, dude. It sounds like William was watching out for you. What a sweet boy.
And how scary!

Glad that you're okay.

Katie said...

Oh, I am so glad that you weren't hurt. Near misses like that get my adrenaline going good.

I am glad also that your family is so supportive. My mom doesn't get why Mother's Day has been hard for me the past two years, neither does my sister. What you have gone through is terrible, but I hope that the comfort of your family makes it just a tiny, tiny bit easier.

Thinking of you. . .

Coggy said...

OMG Amy that must have been frightening. I'm so glad you're OK.
I'm glad your sister is so thoughtful and that you have her in your life.
I hope the crabbyness passes soon. It's horrible feeling snarky about everything. You certainly don't need to apologise here, be as crabby as you like. x x

stat763 said...

I am all teared up reading about your sweet sister. For my first mother's day, my brother invited me over to "celebrate mother's day with pizza!" I cried and practically hung up on him.

I am glad you are safe and William is most definitely your guardian angel.

janistan said...

I'm glad too that you are safe. And your sister, she is just the sweetest thing! I am glad for that too. Also glad that you take time to lie low, and actually, I thot you sounded pretty positive. Hugs to you.

Antigone said...

Glad you're okay.

Mother's Day? Is that soon?