Good night, sweet prince: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest...
-William Shakespeare

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
-Rose Kennedy

Monday, April 14, 2008

Welcome to my Merry Go Round!

My Merry Go Round just goes round and round!

I have a happy thing to share with you all, Aunt Becky (not William's biological Aunt Becky but William's and my friend, Aunt Becky) got William this lovely Peter Rabbit:

She also got me gifts, as if Peter wasn't enough. She sent me some Burt's Bee's (some of my absolute favorite stuff!) and the most adorable He.ll.o Pen in what else but William's color, purple. It's one of those cool ones with the 4 different colors in it. Great for work!


I attended my RE appt. today...I think I'm in love! He was the most considerate person. His first statement was, "you've had a very hard year!" I wanted to say, "no SHIT!" but I didn't because his smile and sincerity were just beaming! He came in sat down and said, these are the 2 things I think we need to do, he handed me a print-out on HSG to which I said, "that's what I want!" He replied with, "not a problem!" We then talked about a 2 hour Glucose Tolerance Test. Which is fine by me as I am in a higher risk category for diabetes anyhow! My paternal grandmother was diagnosed at 13 and my maternal grandmother has geriatric onset diabetes. Those combined with the fact that I am SHORT and FAT, put me in a higher risk. So, those are the two things that we will do, if they come back fine and dandy then, off the foam and "rubber duckies" we will go!

I do believe I forgot to mention above that my insurance being the P.O.C. (piece of crap) that it is will not pay for my HSG. Why you ask...I have a preexisting condition on my policy that does not allow for coverage of "female disorders." As if this is really a disorder but whatever! So to say the least, I get to come up with a bundle of dough by the beginning of next month! I still believe it will be worth it.


My lovely car, she sputtered when I drove her yesterday, that kind of lurch sputter that scares you. I honestly thought she'd blow up! I drove her anyway...then the engine light came on! I got her home, took Shan for a ride, "something electrical, anyhow, you need to take it in and have them hook it up to a computer to see what the problem is." So, to the shop we went today, I dropped off my car, picked up a rental. What a loverly rental too, I think it is what I will buy in the next month or so. A F.or.d, very nice with hands free phoning system. All of which I liked. My car was fixed early, still a p.o.c. but it'll work for now. $800 later and I'm still wondering how many car payments that would have been on my new!

Back to a happy place, or well happier than I have been in the past, yesterday was William's 4 month birthday, had he stayed with us. I spent the day with my Mother and then went to my Grandmother's house. Two women that I love more than anything and they both make me happy when I spend time with them. I do believe that I spent time with them so I wouldn't be alone dwelling on William's day. It worked. It's not as though I didn't speak of him, I did but it just didn't seem so difficult and sad. Maybe, just maybe the light is shining at the end of the tunnel. Of course, I am sure that it will be dark again soon but for now, I'll accept what happiness I can find.


Wishing you all peace and lots o' love this week! The Merry Go Round ain't so bad, at least you get to revisit the same spot, it just seems to hurt a little less every time around. (poor grammar, yes, get used to it and then just get over it!)


G said...

HSG is tricky like that. I had to pay for mine too :( I hope yours comes out ok. I wonder if he will check for PCOS when he does the glucose/blood work. Sounds like a nice fellow though.

The bunny is great, go becks! Sorry about the car repairs :(

CLC said...

Cute bunny. I was thinking about you this weekend. Glad you had a good day yesterday.

Becky said...

Glad you like Peter Rabbit and your doctor. That should ease things.

Thinking of you guys today.

k@lakly said...

Sounds like a good day, I love P.R. did my two that made it out alive in the Beatrix Potter theme. I am glad you were surrounded by love this week and that you are feeling a little hope after this long journey. Every tiny bit helps!

c. said...

You make me smile, Amy. You really do. Such a ball of energy...I have to wonder what you were like before William died. I see little glimpses of it here and there and it's so nice.

Aunt Becky rocks!

Glad you were able to spend William's birthday in relative peace and happiness, hon. XO.

stat763 said...

Insurance just sucks, doesn't it. I'm glad you have a plan though. I like your merry go round analogy. I'm glad it is getting a bit easier.

Thanks for your post. Yes, dragonflies are my thing!

Thinking of you and William.

Antigone said...

HSG's are very uncomfortable. Not exactly painful but definitely uncomfortable. You'll feel some pinching worse than a pap smear. But it's over quickly and not so bad to require pain pills.

And as G and I both know, if anythign is abnormal you'll have to get a hysteroscopy to verify what the abnormality is. (Another $600 out of pocket if your insurance doesn't pay).

Good Luck! It's always good to move forward.