Good night, sweet prince: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest...
-William Shakespeare

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
-Rose Kennedy

Sunday, March 23, 2008

William's first Easter

(William's new bunny with his bear)

We got through Easter with a few bumps but got through none the less. I started off crying, I know that William is too small to hunt Easter eggs but I so wanted to get him a basket, instead I got him a stuffed Easter Bunny, I'm sure I will have millions of stuffed animals before my lifetime is done here. Shan understands, he lets me cry. He doesn't say much, he is a man of few words. This day was hard for him too. Like so many other parents out there who do not have their children with them today we too had dreams. We had dreams of our little man all bundled watching his cousins act crazy at the family Easter egg hunt.

As I sit here typing away, I think of all the things I wanted to say to my little man yesterday, I wanted to tell him why Easter exists. No, we are not religious people but I do so like the religious stories behind certain holidays. I wanted to tell him that his cousins are crazy and no, they don't really need all that sugar but they'll eat it just the same.

I also think of how we are planning Williams memorial service. What a horrid thing to plan. We are supposed to be tired from a baby keeping us up instead we are tired because we are depressed. Shan, the man of few words said he'd like a friend of ours a Reverend, to come say a few words at Williams service. Wow, that struck me hard. William's poor Daddy, thinking about his service and how to do it "right," whatever that might be. He says things and not a tear in his eye but a lost look. He looks so sad, his baby boy isn't here. We had so many dreams that were dashed so rapidly.

This day, the day after Easter isn't much easier. I wake up and kiss William's bear, I tell William that I love him and that I will try to be strong today. Wishing all the while I was kissing him and not his bear.

I hope all of your Easters had some happy times. I know for most of us the sad times prevail. I hope for all of you a little peace as this year passes. I hope next Easter isn't so hard. I hope to get William's memorial service planned and done "right!" I hope for so many things and so many of the things I hope for are not things that will come true but I hope, I have that at least, hope.


HLHArts said...

This is beautiful and I hope you know how proud William must be. :)

Carrie said...

I'm crying too. I am so sorry Easter (and life) is the way it is.
The way you describe William's dad, 'not a tear in his eye but a lost look.' is just so sad. Men are so different butthey feel it too.
I truly hope next Easter is very different. I know you will get the service right.

k@lakly said...

I hope you get your wishes Amy. That next year is better and that the pain eases. Whatever you decide to do for William, it will be perfect because it came from your love for him.

c. said...

This post makes me cry, Amy. What a good mama you are. I wish William could be here to know this. Thinking of you and your little man. XO.

Becky said...

Words alone will never express how sorry I am for everything that you are going through. Your William is such a beautiful boy, and I can only imagine how hard this must be without him.


Isn't it pretty to think so said...

I am so sad for what you are going through. I wish I could shoulder some of the sadness for you, but I know i can't. There is nothing "right" about a baby's/child's memorial service. nothing. It is tragic and unfair. I am so sorry you have to plan one.

Ange said...

You make me tear up are wonderful