Tomorrow marks three months since we found out we lost our little man. Today marks three months since the last time I was blissfully happy. How I wish I could be that happy still and counting the days until he is here. Instead, I'm counting still the days we have been without him here with us. It hit me this evening. I miss William, I miss him more than words can say.
Along with missing him I actually miss the old me. The me who didn't always think what if, or I'm really not sure how much longer I have here on earth. Not that I mind thinking the latter, I used to but not now. It just doesn't seem so bad now. I know when my time comes I will get to see my sweet little boy and hold him and kiss him for all of eternity.
This week is going to be difficult this I know. The dates fall exactly the same as they did that dreadful week three months ago. Only this week to top it all off, I have my annual Pap! Oh, yeah, instead of going in for and u/s or to pee in a cup or hear a heart beat, I get to have that fab speculum shoved you know where and swabbed! Oh, yeah for me!
Yes, this week will be hard. I will however work my way through it, I will wish for next week to be better and this week to hurry up and end! Maybe just once the universe will work in my favor and make it a little easier on me! We can all hope can't we?!