I Got it!

Today in the mail I received Williams Certificate of Birth resulting in Stillbirth.
You know the part that made me cry? It says Child's Name: William Henry Johnson, see he is a child! He isn't a fetus as the Fetal Death Report says. He's a child and it makes me sad that I had to fight for a damned piece of paper but I did!

I got it! I now have all of the ammo I need to contact my state representatives which mind you one lives 10 minutes away and I voted for him! Now, he can return the favor! Being as he had a sign in my yard and yes I am a constituent, favor must now be returned!

I will take him pictures of my son, tell him my story and tell him the fight I had to get the piece of paper I wanted! I will tell him that NO woman should ever have to fight for this, that I will help however I can to make sure no other woman ever has to go through what I did. I'll keep you posted!

As you can tell I am happy that I got this piece of paper but I am sad too. It almost solidifies the fact that the only way I have my son is in ashes and paper. Not the way a mother wants to bring her child home. Yet in the same respects with this paper I feel I have now truly brought William home.

A Rant about living in a Missing Angels State

My state offices seem not to understand the importance of this bill that was passed in 2004. It states that I can get a Certificate of Birth resulting in Stillbirth (COB)for my son. It states that I delivered my son, yes, that even though he did not take a breath on this earth I birthed him. He was born. Why is it so difficult for others to understand that I need this piece of paper as an acknowledgement for myself, for my son.


I sent off for Williams death certificate and got that back without a problem. I then sent in the application for the COB. I received in the mail once again, a certificate of fetal death for my son. Mind you the applications are completely different for both pieces of paper.


I let it sit for a few days and then started to fume. I want my sons birth certificate dammit, what do I have to do? I went to my local vital stats office. The lady inside incredibly nice but unknowing, called the state office in Jeff City. She then handed me the phone, "what is it you are wanting?" said the voice on the other end of the phone. "I am wanting a Certificate of Birth resulting in Stillbirth for my son and your office keeps sending me a Fetal Death Certificate." "Well, Ma'am, that's all you'll get, it cannot be ammended to a birth certificate." Me steaming and crying now..."you mean to tell me that your office will break the laws that are in effect for people like me? Never mind you, I will contact the Govenor myself and report that the laws are being broken in state offices." I hung up the phone.


Now, I have yet to contact my Governor as I was trying any route to get what I wanted without stirring the pot before I got it. I have since sent a letter, politely stating my request, 2 applications for the COB, the duplicate copy of the fetal death report, and a copy of the LAW to the supervisor at the Vital Statistics office in Jefferson City, MO! I then emailed the MISS Foundation to give them a heads up. She reported that even in Arizona (the 1st state to enact the bill) she is still having problems with this law being implemented. My best bet to prevent others from going through this added pain...contact my legislators and or go to the vital statistics office in my state capital, with the law in hand. I'm not opposed to doing any or all of the above. I would actually like it if they would hand me a computer with a program on it so I could personally handle request like mine. I would like someone in their office to know what it means to a parent in our shoes to get a piece of paper. I would like just once for one of their idiots to say, " I am sorry for your loss, I will get this handled promptly!"


So, I am still waiting for my sons BIRTH CERTIFICATE to arrive. I know they received the letter and request as I sent it all certified mail. When I get that certificate I will be contacting all of my public office officials to show them what it is that we, women in our shoes rightfully deserve. To show them the law that was passed and signed by my Governor in 2004. I will make sure they know I am not going away...not until this issue is fixed! I will do whatever it takes to make it easy or easier for someone to receive a Birth Certificate resulting in Stillbirth for their child. For their records!


If there is one thing that has come from the loss of my son that I find to be "good" it is the fact that I now want to advocate for parents of stillborns I now want to be on the inside for the rest of my life. I want to help, and yes, I guess in a way it will be helping me work through my sons death.

Edited to add: Please see Update

Tag Round 3

I have been tagged again! This time by Beth at Taking Chances, this one involves books! I haven't read anything fun in a while but I do have one of my short favorites right here! The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.


The Rules!:

Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
Open the book to page 123.
Find the fifth sentence.
Post the next three sentences.
Tag five people.

Page 123, 5th - 8th Sentences:

She would have to send her kisses on the wind, hoping that the wind would touch the boy's face, and would tell him that she was alive. That she was waiting for him, a woman awaiting a courageous man in search of his treasure. From that day on, the desert would represent only one thing to her: the hope for his return.

I guess all I can do is hope for Williams return somehow too! My courageous little man I wish I knew what the treasure he went to find was!? Oh wait, according to the Alchemist it's his life and love.

So, I will ask, CLC, Antigone, Kalakly, C., and Coggy to do this one for me! Antigone, stay away from the medical journals!

The LIST!

So, I've been "hit" by C., to do Kalakly's, LIST (the guys or gals you can sleep with while married without it actually being considered cheating!) meme. I have to say my guys have changed over the years one of which recently passed away. Heath Ledger...if I see him in the spirit world I will jump his bones! Here are the pics an explanation of sorts follow the pics! Enjoy! Thanks for letting me get it all out there!




So here's the explanation well sort of!

1. Willie Nelson, I know, Shan gives me the" eww" too! But hey the man can sing and that's all he has to do and I melt!

2. Josh Holloway...Hello, look at that bod...yes, I'd do him proper!

3. John Hannah, that Scottish accent, oh baby! I fell for him when he played "James" in Sliding Doors with Gwenyth Paltrow (who I think is hot but I wouldn't go there!)

4. John Travolta...hello, have you seen GREASE? For that matter have you seen anything he's been in?

5. Jared Leto...from My So Called Life, is he not just totally yummy?!

6. Dale Earnhardt Jr., yes I know I share this one with Kalakly, no we can NOT share him! He's mine, mine, mine!

So, the girls I will hit with this one are Antigone and Ange and Jennifer . Enjoy girls!

How are you?

I am F.I.N.E., is my answer do you know what it stands for? F**kin'. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional!

That fits me to a tee! I don't have much today as I have type B flu and not feeling well enough to do much! Hope you all are well and not so FINE! Unless of course you think FINE fits you too!

The Rollercoaster of Grief

This is what my life feels like. This is what grief does to me. It flips me upside down and turns my insides. My tears flow easily today and my heart is heavy. I miss our William.

I've been tagged!

I have been tagged by CLC, I have never been tagged before either so we'll see if I can get it right! First off though, I have to say I agree with her # 3 answer and her #6, both of which would be on my list too! Here it goes!

The rules:

1) Link to the person who tagged you (I did above).
2) Post the rules.
3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people.
5) Make sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.

Six non-important things about me:

1. I read way too much. When reading a book I do not respond to others around me, I ignore them completely and act as though they don't exist.

2. I eat chocolate like it is going out of style - Hershey's Cherry Cordial Kisses are my new fav!

3. I watch too much t.v. - I have two favorite shows, one is LOST and the other is ELI STONE. I actually record shows while I am at groups, work or sleeping so I have something to watch when there is nothing good on.

4. I don't like to wear bras or shoes (socks yes, shoes no!) That is pretty self explanitory! That's not important, is it? TMI? Sorry!

5. I believe whole heartedly in RETAIL THERAPY, I spend money with no remorse! It hasn't actually helped in this situation (stillborn mom) but it has helped in the past. I have spent a lot of money since December but it is towards advocacy groups, memorial stuff, etc. It hasn't made me happier to buy those things but I know it all goes to a good cause...so maybe it's helped a bit!

6. I have a ribbon on my car that says "pregnancy and infant loss awarness" I park directly across from all "expectant Mommy parking" in hopes that they will see it! (Sick, I know but I do believe that sometimes others need to know it's not all rainbows and bunnies!)

Ok, so I am tagging the following!

1. C.

2. Katie

3. Yummy (Heather)

Sorry gals but like CLC said to me, can't take anymore bad luck not that there is any attached to not doing this but you never know!