When did I let others take over?

Oh, William. I don't know when it happened, I let others take over my thinking my thoughts of honoring you in every way I could. I know when the beginning of it was but when the fullness of it took over, I don't have a clue. Today I am feeling guilty for not giving your sister a sibling on Earth. Part of me really wants to and the other part of me knows I couldn't handle it. I think I'll stick with the part of me that can't handle it. There are other things going on too. You know those things. I've whispered them to you. I want you to help me through them and that's not fair because that's not YOUR job! Kiddo, I wonder EVERY day what life would be like with you here. I miss you soooo much and so does your sissy. More than the sun, the moon, & the stars.