It's been a while and I sure have missed your smiles! Or tears, or whatever there may have been while I was away. I just missed you all!
I have so much going on right now. The last couple of weeks have been decent. I have had one pretty bad day and the rest have truly been the roller coaster of this "new" life.
We had our first steam show, you can see pictures and what it's all about at http://www.wmatma.org/, it was a nice show and we had fun with our friends. They allowed me to talk about William without judgement and they even purchased a rock for William's garden for us. It is beautiful (I'm too lazy to take a picture and post it!) It has a dove and two crosses on it (carved in it of course!)
I went to the lake with a friend the other day and swam and talked and got fried! When will I ever learn that they created sun screen for a reason? Maybe someday!
I have been keeping up with your posts I just haven't had the heart to comment on many of them. So, here's my response to what I have read.
I know it's been a rough time for you and I am so incredibly sorry that I can't be there to hold your hand throughout all of this. Grace is always in my thoughts and prayers.
My friend, Aunt Becky,
I know you will be alright. I know this ickle will stick. I just wish that you knew that too!
My heart aches for you and you know this. My thoughts are with you and the little bean. It's all good. You'll be all good and just fine when the time comes for the little one to come into this world. You'll make an excellent Mommy!
Congratulations! Wow, what an exciting and scary time in your life. I'm very happy for you and this new "little" one! I am sure that all will be just fine!
I am sorry about your mother, I too hope she wins the fight of her life. Cancer is an ugly, ugly disease that rears it's head when it wants to. I am hoping and wishing the best for her even though your relationship with her has been difficult, I know this (cancer) is something we wish on no one we love and care about.
I do believe I posted this on your June 14th post but again, THANK YOU for remembering my dear sweet William. It means so very much to me. I have catching up to do on your blog and promise to do so soon!
Isn't it Pretty,
A bowl of cherries our vagina's are not! If they were none of us would have these problems but I do love the mistake as it is sooo something I would do! And to friends, like the one who gave the "correct" response, CHEERS! Big cheers to her!
I am thinking of you and glad that you graduated from IC! Sounds like a major feat! And yes, all will be good and fine! Lily will be fine!
Little miss Hopeful,
I wish the days weren't so dark and the nights were full of sleep and that your tummy was full of food and your heart not so strained. I wish many things for you but for today I will wish you peace.
Our brains, what a miraculous part of our body that allow us to never forget! Occasionaly, it serves as a reminder of what we don't have and the reasons as to why or the lack of reasoning. We may not get the answers and NO your thinking had nothing to do with the loss of Micah. I too feel that the things I said, made William not want to stay with us. But, I have come to realize that this is just not true. I hope you find some peace in the near future and that these thoughts don't weigh you down too much.
Mr. and Mrs. Spit,
I think of you both and Gabriel often. I hope you know that your words speak to my heart. I hope you know that I was thinking of you both on your anniversary even though I didn't write. I will say too that I hope you get the opportunity to be parents to a child here on earth because, I KNOW you would make fabulous parents! You will forever be in my thoughts and prayers.
CDE and STE,
I don't know where to begin. I'm glad that alcohol hasn't taken over your lives and that there is a smidge of "normalcy" if you will. I am also so incredibly sorry for all that you STE, are going through. This is most definitely not a path lined with roses. The dust and clouds take over and clamp down on your heart and soul. I also know the ones closest to us can sweep away the dust and let some light into our souls, let C., hold you close and hold him too. You need each other. Feel free to block the rest of the world out just never, never block one another out.
I can't believe that it's been eight months. I know that Aodin is in a safe place. I know he is playing with William. I know that you are a good Mommy. I know you are a good Mommy, because no parent would want their child to suffer what Aodin would have had to suffer to stay here on earth. Big hugs my friend big hugs.
It's hard not to have anxiety when you have gone through all that you have to get to where you are. Your little man will come out on the good side of things. I just know it! Hang in there! And as for the friendly skies, don't fly airlines that don't understand HIGH RISK pregnancy, maybe they should be told that pregnancy doesn't come easily for EVERYONE, what butt holes!
Cute tummy! Thank you for staying in touch with my blog. I don't know that if I were in your shoes that I would be so brave. I think you will make and incredibly compassionate, caring, loving Mommy!
I do not know how you handled the butterfly thing. I would have been a big huge, screaming, blubbering mess! The natural food chain is not for me. I can't watch any of it, ever, not even on t.v.! As for K., what a sweet child you have, I do hope that you get more conversations with her in the future.
I do hope that your consultants appointment goes well. I am sorry about the whole midwife appointment. I can't imagine, I am sure it is difficult to be in your shoes. I'm thinking of you though!
Happy belated birthday to C.! That was an amazingly beautiful post. Now, on to your post prior...my hope is that you will relax a bit and that this time will be different from last time. With all my heart I hope only good for you!
To anyone that I may have inadvertently left out, You are in my thoughts and prayers, each and everyone of you. Anyone on Mel's wonderful blog list is always in my thoughts and prayers. My heart is full of hope that each and everyone of us gets the chance to be parents to a child here on earth. My soul is full of hope that we all can teach others what, IF, pregnancy loss, neonatal loss is all about and how to "deal" with us in the correct way.
Now, I am going to ask for a favor, there is a little girl who needs some prayers. She is fighting the good fight to kick cancer's butt! If you'd like to know more about her you can read about her here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lilyclevenger . I do not know her personally but have attended fundraising events for her here in the city. I know her family is extremely grateful for any prayers they can get!
I am going to be away for another week. This time, I won't have the chance to check in. We are going for a family reunion on Shan's side. Of course, we'll be missing one. That would be our sweet William. He will be there in spirit but not physically. I will have a difficult time being there without him but I will, we will, get by. After the family reunion it's time for me to spend some time with my Niece and Nephew and my Mom, Sister, and Papa (Mom's fiance). We're going to a cabin to enjoy some family time at a lake! I can't wait!
You all take care and look to the stars for that is where our children are! Big hugs to all of you and wishing you much peace!