Good night, sweet prince: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest...
-William Shakespeare

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
-Rose Kennedy

Monday, June 9, 2008

Muddled musings

This weekend was productive. I planted the rest of my Sweet William plants, did my laundry and had a one on one support/meeting with a dear friend who is working on starting an advocacy group here but that will extend nationwide and hopefully internationally eventually. She is a very knowledgeable lady whose son was stillborn in 1978. She has been working with the MISS foundation, working on the Missing Angels Act (Certificates of Birth resulting in Stillbirth). They finally got it passed in OK; it should be in effect in November of this year. Yeah! After 30 years she can finally get a Birth Certificate resulting in Stillbirth for her son. I can’t wait for that day. I think it will be a big huge party. I was saddened to learn of C’s bad fortune in Canada. I spoke with my friend and she said that the governmental departments seem to have made it so they feel that they are doing the right thing. When in all actuality they have done nothing to recognize a child of stillbirth. C., I am so incredibly sorry and will be working on fighting your government for the rights to this very important document. If this a fight you have chosen let me know and I will do whatever I can to help.
Shan and I had an awkward moment when discussing TTC. I am ready any time I told him and he said he doesn’t think he can survive that again. Meaning, he cannot survive another loss. I am hoping that we won’t have to try to survive another loss; I am hoping that we will be blessed this time around. I guess we’ll have to wait and see. I feel so bad for him, I know the pain all to well and I definitely know the fear. My emotions these days are a mixed bag. The roller coaster seems to hit with so much force. I do better when I talk to others on this ride. When I am alone, I do worse; the decline is very rapid when I am alone. How do you deal when you are alone? I stay in bed with the covers up and snuggled to William’s teddy bear and the cat, she is a good comfort these days. She seems to want me more than anyone else in this world these days and seems to understand that I need her too. Shan gets his solace in lawn work or work in general, it helps to keep his mind from wandering too much.
I’m off to work this morning trying to muddle through another day and deal with the stupid people of the universe. Seems it takes a lot of energy to deal and teach others what is and is not appropriate to say to me. To say to anyone that is traveling the same journey I am. I don’t have all the energy it takes to talk to these idiots so some days I just act as though I cannot hear them. I pretend to be engrossed in a book, the paper or a magazine. Sometimes (the smart ones) catch on sometimes (the idiots) keep talking as though I want to talk back eventually. We’ll see what today offers. Maybe, just maybe I’ll be lucky and get only smart ones today!


G said...

Men handle this so differently. He probably needs to deal with a bit more of the grief before he can let go and move forward. In the meantime, the alone factor - well I don't have any real advice for that. I tend to force myself to do chores, especially outside of the house. Which then end in me spending too much money... see, I am no help.


Aunt Becky said...

Muddled. That's a great word.

Enjoy your snuggling, it sounds divine.

Love you all.

Still Standing Strong in A Bloom of Hope. said...

I am praying for both of you everyday and am praying that you will be blessed one day, with a baby, and a resolution.

Sending you muddle-free and hugs.


c. said...

GORGEOUS kitty, Amy.

Sorry that you and Shan aren't on the same page when it comes to TTC. I can tell you there's nothing that a little booze won't cure when it comes to the men. Oooh. And maybe a piece or 2 from Fredri.ks of Hol.lyw.ood. Nothing says making a baby like a trampy outfit!!!

All joking aside, I hope he comes around. Sooner than later.

As for the certificate thing, I think it is in fact a battle I want to partake in. In time. I'll keep you posted ;o)