Good night, sweet prince: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest...
-William Shakespeare

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
-Rose Kennedy

Friday, May 9, 2008

No good title

That's what this is, there is no good title. This is just my week in ramblings due to the fact that I can't seem to form a thought for more than maybe say, five minutes at a time. Maybe I am just having brain farts, I'm not sure. Anyhow, let's get on with my week.

Sunday, Aunt Flo came to join me. Not a bad thing, not a good thing either. I scheduled for my HSG which is this coming Monday! Yeah, I know it'll be uncomfortable but that's why my lovely Mom is taking me. So, I may take some good drugs and Tylenol and have a designated driver to get me to and fro. I am scared. This didn't hit me until the R.E.'s office called back and said they wanted to set up another appointment to go over my GTT test and my thyroid panel, etc. with me. Why all of this bothers me I'm not sure. What is the worst thing they can tell me at this point? I'm not pregnant so, they can't tell me that I've lost another one. What could all of this mean? Maybe, I am just scared for what it means for my future.

That damned day is around the corner...yes, two days away. No, I don't begrudge anyone this day. It just makes me incredibly sad. However, my Mom, being the wonderful woman she is made a donation to Williams MOD band. Thanks again, Mom! I love you! This gesture touched my heart and soul.

Knowing I have a good family eased the pain of the people at work today wishing me a *Happy* Mother's day. Oh, BITE ME! Do I seriously need to wear a shirt that tells you to remember what has happened in my life?!

My mask is obviously not too good for some. One of the ladies I work with picked out that the reason I am sooo incredibly tired all the time is because I am depressed. Gee, do you think? Of course, I'm depressed, do I want drugs, NO! Will I be depressed forever? No, I don't think so, I will more than likely just let it hang on for a while before I decide to give the depression the boot. Don't I wish it were that easy!

So, my plans for Mother's day? I do believe that I will seriously get my house clean. Try to keep my mind off things. Yes, cleaning my house will take all weekend, and maybe into next week. I have vacuumed twice since December. I have done nothing else to the house since December but those two times of running the vacuum. The dust is so thick I can write obscene things on my clocks, t.v.'s, and even my desk. Now, that's just sad. So yes, I will be cleaning. I love my Mom, she knows this. She'll know it even more when she gets her gift delivered to her. I may decide to make her a treat and take it to her but it depends on what I get done on the house tomorrow. Anyhow, what I would really like to do is crawl in bed Saturday night and stay there until Monday around 1:00 when my Mom comes to get me for my HSG. That would be my ideal way to spend Sunday.

I do wish you all a peaceful day and hope that it's not too hard on any of us. I am thinking of you all.


STE said...

Hi, So sorry you feel so discombobulated these days. I'm very disorganized, too. Moreso than usual. I think it's just that Bitch Grief fucking with my head.

The four days leading up to my hsg had me almost panicked. I think it's the beginning of thinking about that process that does it for me. And after what we've all been through, who knows what else they'll throw at us.

C and I and another friend are (imagining putting together a set of Tee shirts that would successfully shut up those well meaning doofuses. They're at the end of his post on Bright sunshine and dark humor. It's a pretty dark post, if you're up for it.

We are tucking ourselves away and not talking to anyone. Eating junkfood, and watching non-baby related movies/tv (on dvd, of course). Can't wait.

Ambien is kicking in, alas, no further comments. I'll check in on you over the weekend.

Aunt Becky said...


Fucking Mother's Day sucks.

Let's have a cyber drinking party starting at oh, maybe noon?

CLC said...

I am thinking I am going to sleep right thru tomorrow too. Right after I drink alot tonight:) Good luck getting thru it.

Holli said...

I really hope the day is gentle on you.

Antigone said...

For what it's worth, the HSG wasn't too bad. For me it was more emotionally painful than physical. It just feels like a violation, especially after what we've been through.

Take care of yourself this weekend even if it means cleaning house. *blech* :-)

Anonymous said...

Huge hugs to you. I will be thinking of you as well.


c. said...

Hope today wasn't too much torture, hon. Good luck with the HSG. XO.

pamela.ilovemcdreamy said...

Hi, I happen to chance upon your blog and was reading post by post and I am crying as I am typing this, for I feel your pain as much as I feel mine.

All I want to say is big big hugs and I'll be sayin' a prayer for you tonight.


ps I don't know how this works, but I've tagged your blog to mine.

Coggy said...

Hey Amy,

I hope everything goes OK today and the drugs did the trick it can't have been much fun. I hope that you get to hear some good news, although I don't know what they tell you after these sort of exams but I hope it was good. Thinking of you x x x