Be forewarned, I started writing this yesterday and ended it today...a lot of it is in present tense as it was the present when I wrote it.
The day is here. It's not as hard as I thought it would be. Maybe, just maybe, it's because I am cleaning (taking a break to post). My house literally has not been touched since December, at least not by me. My Mom, cleaned, a lot when she stayed with us after, after we gave William over to the hospital staff and left him there.
The hardest part about today is, well, all of you. I dislike the fact that there are so many of us missing our babies. Wishing we had them in our arms, smiling back at us. I have a peace that William is with me. No, not physically but I feel as though he touches me everyday. I wish you all could feel that. Not that it makes it any easier. Yet, it's not so harsh, everyday.
I am blessed, I have a wonderful family. A wonderful fiance. A good life. Shan, went to get me Sweet William plants for Mother's Day, no body not a single nursery here had them. It's the thought that counts! On top of that, he picked out an incredibly sweet Mother's Day card for me and signed it with all of the furry kids names and his and Big Daddy's too! Keep in mind that this is only the 2nd card I have ever received from him and I didn't even say that I wanted anything. He loves me, that's enough for me!
My Mom, wow, I don't have enough good words about this woman, she amazes me everyday. She made a large donation to William's MOD band. She said, she would have spent that if not a lot more on him by now if he were still here. She thinks of William, Shan and I everyday. I cannot thank her enough for being my mom.
I have so many good friends who called or emailed to check on me yesterday. Thank you to each and every one of you. It means more than I can say in words that you thought of me and William yesterday.
B., my nephew is an amazing little man. He's only 9. I called yesterday evening to talk to my sister, to tell her how much I had accomplished on my cleaning because I was so happy with myself. B., answered the phone, we chatted for a bit and I told him I loved him. "I love you too, oh, and hey, Happy Mother's Day, you know you are still a Mother!" Me, of course, I started crying, he got my sister and in turn I heard him say, "I made her cry, I didn't mean to but she is still a Mother." My sister took the phone over and I told her what a special boy she has. How nice it is that no one says to him that you need to say this. He just does it all. My sister and I talked and she made sure my day was decent which it was.
I was truly blessed yesterday and well, today, I believe I am always going to be blessed with this wonderful group of Mommies in my life. I am priveleged to know each and every one of you.
Today, I had my HSG. Ouch, pressure, Oh, wow, that feels like a contraction, is that normal? Yes, it's all normal and I am alright. The pain passed and my doc said all looks good. We'll chat more tomorrow at my appointment. He's still an incredibly nice guy. He made me laugh and took the edge off a bit with his funny comments. I will fill you all in when I get my game plan down! Yeah, like I've ever been able to follow a game plan, but I can pretend can't I?!