Good night, sweet prince: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest...
-William Shakespeare


It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
-Rose Kennedy

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Breakdown

I WANT MY SON! I want to spend the holiday, the one I used to love, Halloween with him. I want to dress him up in one of the cute outfits that Wayne got him last year. I want to take him out and about and show him off.

I can’t he’s not here. Tears are here and anger and complete frustration at what tomorrow truly holds for me. How the hell can Halloween be sad? By not having your child with you, that’s how.

12 comments:

yummysushipajamas said...

Oh honey, I am so sorry. I know how badly this hurts. I wish there was anything I could do.

CLC said...

I know, I know, I know. The what should have beens suck.

Mrs. Spit said...

I know. I know. I can hear your screams. And from the bottom of my heart, I'm with you.

Aunt Becky said...

I'm so sorry, Amy. I'm sending you the biggest, fattest hug I can.

Love you and William a lot.

janis said...

oh Amy... ((hugs))
Halloween coincides with Samhain, you know? Believed to be the time of year when the "veil" is the closest, when the spirits of loved ones walk next to us. William is right here. He is here, my dear.
I know this is so hard though... my heart cries out for your dear son too!

Cara said...

Oh Amy - I've really been struggling with Halloween too. The day of honoring our dead.

My youngest has declared this holiday, "too sccaaaawwwyyy" and is staying home with me tomorrow night.

We will sit by the Angel Wall and read off every name, honoring each one - as it should be!

xoxo

~S said...

I'm so sorry. I know how badly this hurts. Thinking of you and sending you a huge hug. Love you!!

Just Me. said...

Big hugs... I'm so sorry that it hurts.

(((((hugs))))

c. said...

Oh, it can be sad. It can absolutely be awful and brutal and sad. XO.

Amy said...

Thank you all, so very much. I am so saddened by William not being her but so enlightened to know that you all are here, that you care and that you get it. THANK YOU! Much love, Amy

Becky said...

Hugs, I know...

The thought of not having little boys dressed up as little boys should breaks my heart...still.

I'll be thinking of all of you and your children tomorrow and always.

Lori said...

I'm so sorry... Sorry for you and for all of us who have to live with these empty spaces.

I try not to let myself go there too often, but I can't help imagining now and then the fun I would have had dressing up twins for Halloween. Oh, the possibilities!