Good night, sweet prince: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest...
-William Shakespeare

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
-Rose Kennedy

Thursday, October 23, 2008

You rock my world

That's the first thing I must say. Thank you to those of you who signed the guest book for Jo.sel.yn. I truly aprreciate knowing that you all care for those who are just joining our club. I hope that her Mom and Dad find the IRL support that they need.

So, now, on to me! Yeah, I know, it's all about me, all the time! So, I've been sitting on my duff or laying on my back and no, not having fun, for let's see 23 days. I'm tired of being stuck at my house, not driving, watching t.v., not walking like a normal person! I have true empathy for those on bed rest. It sucks! I do however think at this point, I could write a list of all of the things you need to prepare for incase you go on bed rest for any reason! I no longer envy people that get to stay at home, I want to go out in the world, I want to see people. I miss people, I miss driving and I miss my own personal road rage! Oh, and did I mention, my house is a mess and I can't clean it?!

I know, this is a problem that is fixable, unlike my "problem" from over 10 months ago. No, William, was not a problem, but you know what I mean. This, the knee is something that will heal over time. My heart, I don't think it will ever mend.

Working up to the one year, um, anniversary, birthday, um, what do you call it? I think I'll stick with birthday. Yes, birthday will do. It's stressful, what should I do, what will I be able to do? Will, I be a whole, normal walking person by then? Because, if I am, I think, I will have a cake and a mini-party to celebrate the light of my life that is not here. I would love to have a big beautiful cake made, is that sad? I would have loved to have his 1st birthday party with him here. So, I guess I will have a party on a smaller scale without him here.

So, tell me if you've already been there, what did you do for the one year? If you haven't been there yet and are working up to it what are your plans?


Anonymous said...

There is nothing wrong with a cake, or balloons, or drinking a decent helping of wine. Do whatever you need to in order to get through this time. For us... we didn't do anything really. We sat at home, we talked about our son, we cried.

~S said...

You posted this in between our phone conversations. Sneaky. Sorry about your knee. Won't you be SO glad to get back to work and not talk to me every hour on the hour? :-)

As for the birthday thing, you know we didn't do much. We had cupcakes together and cried. And we said a prayer. I had a birthday project all planned out, and when push came to shove, I didn't have the energy to do it.

Thinking of you! And getting ready for our 3:00 phone call. :-) Love you!!

Aunt Becky said...


janis said...

URGH, I hear your frustrations! I hope your knee heals up SOON!!
As for what we did. We made a fire outside and burnt him pictures. I made a cake and we ate it. I made a couple of donations, did a 40-day healing meditation in his honor.
But you know, Amy, NOTHING took that stupid damn pain away. It is hard, but I am holding you in my thoughts. xo

gypsy said...

i think the birthday cake idea is lovely. i also think you should plan two scales of things ~ one for if you are up to the ordering of a cake, etc and one if things are on the low end. i know this is not the same, but i figured i would share anyway...

this year was 3 since my dad died. we never had a memorial service (or one that i was allowed/welcomed to participate in - stepmother - long story) and i wanted to do a virtual one, with photos and a blog post and basically what i would have done for my own memorial... i still wasnt up to it this year, so i spent a day in his honor taking photos and listening to some old time music he loved in our downtown a few days before the anniversary. it felt good and right.

you will know what is right. if you want a virtual cake for your blog, i will make a real one and decorate it with your little love's name... email me if you like...



CLC said...

Glad to hear you are back to blogging.

I don't have any good suggestions as I am in the same quandry. I keep thinking I want to make some elaborate cake and make all my nieces and nephews sing. But then I think that will confirm for them that I really am a crazy old aunt. Maybe I'll just do it for myself.