Good night, sweet prince: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest...
-William Shakespeare

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
-Rose Kennedy

Friday, July 25, 2008

Checkin' out because I just can't handle checking in!

This is how I feel right now. I started this blog seven months ago to track and to purge my feelings. I'm on a so-so track right now about the loss of William. I miss him dearly, I always will.

It's not that I don't appreciate the support here. It's that I am feeling a bit tongue tied and twisted and to be honest, jealous. I just can't handle another pregnancy, if it's not mine. I'm sorry if that sounds cruel. I don't mean it to. It cuts like a knife though and I just can't handle the pain anymore.

I may run off like a dog with it's tail between it's legs only to come back begging for support but, today, I'm checking out. I will more than likely lurk, when energy allows me to. I do not believe I will comment though. I'm a bit redundant now days and a bit selfish too.

I know, I've done this before, left and come back. I'm sure I will be back around the nine month mark, I'll come back screaming. In the meantime, could you all do me a favor though? Please, don't forget about our William. Please, don't forget about me. I need to know that you will be here when I need you even though, I'm not here for you all right now...see, I told you I'm selfish!

To those of you that are pregnant, Congratulations (softly or loudly, however you want it!), I'm wishing for you all only the best. For the rest of us in this rut, you know what I always say, I'm wishing you all peace in this journey and some hope. Hope that someday we can join the subsequent pregnancy spot along this blog roll. Good luck to you all and much, much love. Over and out, stick a fork in me for now, I am done.


janis said...

Thinking of you and William. Sending you peace and strength and hope. xo

STE said...

Of course, you have to do what's right for you. We'll be thinking of you and wishing you peace.

Anonymous said...

I miss you already. Will be here whenever you want/need me to be. And if not, you and William are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Aunt Becky said...

Sending light, love, and peace to you and William. Lots of love.

We'll be here when you come back.

CLC said...

I will never forget William. And I am always here if you want to come back and purge some more. I get it though. I wish you lots of peace and hopefully happiness. And I would love to hear good news too, if you have some to share in the future.

Ange said...

I miss you too..and you can be as selfish as you like because I don't think you really are for a minute. I hope you get all that you wish for
and more and I would love to hear from you in the future. William will always be remembered by me. In this darkest of times it has been a pleasure knowing you.

c. said...

Being selfish is okay. We are in the land of women who get to be this way, we've earned it, I say.

I get the tongue-tied thing. The twisted thing. The jealousy thing, too. I get it, Amy, and it's hard and it sucks and what else can I say about it, really?

Thinking of you, hon, and William. Always. XO.

A.M.S. said...

We will not forget.

Take care of you.

mrsmuelly said...

Just so you know, you are not the only one who can't handle another pregnancy...unless it's "her" own.

Beth said...

I am thinking of you and I hope with time you find peace & strength in your journey.

Anonymous said...

forget William? never. i will be more than happy to welcome you back whether you need support or whether you'd like to share some 'good news'.
always here, i hope your break is just what you need.

Angie said...

Thinking of you and William always.

Katie said...

Amy. Hugs.

I am so sorry.

I will always be here for you.

And I am ALWAYS thinking of William. And his Mommy.

I've stopped commenting because I am one of those "pregnants" right now and I didn't want to cause you pain. But I've been reading.

k@lakly said...

Always thinking of you and your William Henry. I hope you will be bcak soon with lots of good news of your own to share.
Always here for you if you need it, you will never be alone on this journey, never.

Holli said...

Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. Hope all is well.