I WANT MY SON! I want to spend the holiday, the one I used to love, Halloween with him. I want to dress him up in one of the cute outfits that Wayne got him last year. I want to take him out and about and show him off.
I can’t he’s not here. Tears are here and anger and complete frustration at what tomorrow truly holds for me. How the hell can Halloween be sad? By not having your child with you, that’s how.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Tul.sa, O.klaho.ma Connection
Looking for anyone in the Tu.lsa, O.K. area to support another stillbirth Mom. Need a support group or a face to face for support. Please, let me know if you can help! Thank you!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
You rock my world
That's the first thing I must say. Thank you to those of you who signed the guest book for Jo.sel.yn. I truly aprreciate knowing that you all care for those who are just joining our club. I hope that her Mom and Dad find the IRL support that they need.
So, now, on to me! Yeah, I know, it's all about me, all the time! So, I've been sitting on my duff or laying on my back and no, not having fun, for let's see 23 days. I'm tired of being stuck at my house, not driving, watching t.v., not walking like a normal person! I have true empathy for those on bed rest. It sucks! I do however think at this point, I could write a list of all of the things you need to prepare for incase you go on bed rest for any reason! I no longer envy people that get to stay at home, I want to go out in the world, I want to see people. I miss people, I miss driving and I miss my own personal road rage! Oh, and did I mention, my house is a mess and I can't clean it?!
I know, this is a problem that is fixable, unlike my "problem" from over 10 months ago. No, William, was not a problem, but you know what I mean. This, the knee is something that will heal over time. My heart, I don't think it will ever mend.
Working up to the one year, um, anniversary, birthday, um, what do you call it? I think I'll stick with birthday. Yes, birthday will do. It's stressful, what should I do, what will I be able to do? Will, I be a whole, normal walking person by then? Because, if I am, I think, I will have a cake and a mini-party to celebrate the light of my life that is not here. I would love to have a big beautiful cake made, is that sad? I would have loved to have his 1st birthday party with him here. So, I guess I will have a party on a smaller scale without him here.
So, tell me if you've already been there, what did you do for the one year? If you haven't been there yet and are working up to it what are your plans?
So, now, on to me! Yeah, I know, it's all about me, all the time! So, I've been sitting on my duff or laying on my back and no, not having fun, for let's see 23 days. I'm tired of being stuck at my house, not driving, watching t.v., not walking like a normal person! I have true empathy for those on bed rest. It sucks! I do however think at this point, I could write a list of all of the things you need to prepare for incase you go on bed rest for any reason! I no longer envy people that get to stay at home, I want to go out in the world, I want to see people. I miss people, I miss driving and I miss my own personal road rage! Oh, and did I mention, my house is a mess and I can't clean it?!
I know, this is a problem that is fixable, unlike my "problem" from over 10 months ago. No, William, was not a problem, but you know what I mean. This, the knee is something that will heal over time. My heart, I don't think it will ever mend.
Working up to the one year, um, anniversary, birthday, um, what do you call it? I think I'll stick with birthday. Yes, birthday will do. It's stressful, what should I do, what will I be able to do? Will, I be a whole, normal walking person by then? Because, if I am, I think, I will have a cake and a mini-party to celebrate the light of my life that is not here. I would love to have a big beautiful cake made, is that sad? I would have loved to have his 1st birthday party with him here. So, I guess I will have a party on a smaller scale without him here.
So, tell me if you've already been there, what did you do for the one year? If you haven't been there yet and are working up to it what are your plans?
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Favor
A family that lives in my neck of the woods, lost their daughter last week. It seems as though I am the only one so far to sign the guest book. No, I do not know the family. Just the same my heart aches for them. Would you go over and sign the guest book, let them know how many of us are out here? Let them know that we all care, have been there and are here if they need support! Thank you all for your assistance and support, please follow the link: Jo.sely.n. If it won't let you view, please let me know in the comments. Thanks! Amy
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
A wave of light...we remember, we will always remember.
Thanks to C., I have borrowed the picture for today. October 15, Pregnancy and Infant Loss remembrance day. Please, join us where ever you are and give the wave of light tonight.
Thinking of you all today and wishing our little ones were here.
Thinking of you all today and wishing our little ones were here.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day: Take Action
Taken from the lovely, Antigone. Because, we all have a story and it's important that our stories be told and our children remembered.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day: Take Action
October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.
Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.
On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979.
Action Steps:
Step 1. Use Your Blog to Enlist Others
-Copy the contents of this entire post and publish it on your blog immediately.
GOAL: Enlist 10 of your readers to spread the word
Step 2. Use Your E-mail to Enlist Others
-E-mail 5 bloggers and ask them (nicely and in an unspammy way) to publish these action steps on their blog. Consider contacting celebrity bloggers, political bloggers, medical bloggers, or bloggers who are not part of your reading community.
GOAL: Enlist 3 bloggers outside of your normal blog sphere to spread the word in other online communities.
Step 3. Help Pass the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act
-By October 15th, publish a post on your blog supporting H.R. 5979 Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act. For maximum impact, title your post: "Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act."
GOAL: 1,000,000 Google results on October 15th when that term is searched for. Currently, Google only returns 20,400 pages - most of which have nothing to do with the bill.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day: Take Action
October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.
Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.
On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979.
Action Steps:
Step 1. Use Your Blog to Enlist Others
-Copy the contents of this entire post and publish it on your blog immediately.
GOAL: Enlist 10 of your readers to spread the word
Step 2. Use Your E-mail to Enlist Others
-E-mail 5 bloggers and ask them (nicely and in an unspammy way) to publish these action steps on their blog. Consider contacting celebrity bloggers, political bloggers, medical bloggers, or bloggers who are not part of your reading community.
GOAL: Enlist 3 bloggers outside of your normal blog sphere to spread the word in other online communities.
Step 3. Help Pass the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act
-By October 15th, publish a post on your blog supporting H.R. 5979 Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act. For maximum impact, title your post: "Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act."
GOAL: 1,000,000 Google results on October 15th when that term is searched for. Currently, Google only returns 20,400 pages - most of which have nothing to do with the bill.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Three in one...
So I thought I would share three things in one post. The 3rd being a question that relates to the second thing!
# 1 being, I dislocated my knee on the first of the month. No, it's not something new to me, I have done this before, I have had the problem with both knees since my early teens. Yeah, for me, the older you get the harder it is to recover! I am essentially on bed rest. I cannot drive for 3 more weeks and I am not happy! I have too much to do this month!
Yes, there is a knee on the right and yes, my legs really are that big!!
So on to # 2:
We had a Walk to Remember yesterday. It was healing and sad but well worth the pain and the sit in the wheel chair! Yes, I had to sit for 2 hours as I couldn't stand on my bum knee!
William's Balloons, released by Mommy, Daddy, Grammi, Aunt B, B & L.
Our T-shirts, I love seeing his name in print!
Now, on to #3! Shan and I were talking after the walk yesterday and we both thought it would be cool if everytime a balloon was released in memory of our children there was a website people could log on to to read the story of that child and publish a comment as to where the balloon ended up. Sort of like tracing the steps our children take even though they are not here. So what do you all think of that? It is going to be a project for me, my way of knowing that William touches other people's hearts. So what do you think? Is this a good idea and is it someithing you would be interested in doing? You know, writing a post about your child and then getting comments on where your balloons are found? Let me know!
# 1 being, I dislocated my knee on the first of the month. No, it's not something new to me, I have done this before, I have had the problem with both knees since my early teens. Yeah, for me, the older you get the harder it is to recover! I am essentially on bed rest. I cannot drive for 3 more weeks and I am not happy! I have too much to do this month!
Yes, there is a knee on the right and yes, my legs really are that big!!
So on to # 2:
We had a Walk to Remember yesterday. It was healing and sad but well worth the pain and the sit in the wheel chair! Yes, I had to sit for 2 hours as I couldn't stand on my bum knee!
William's Balloons, released by Mommy, Daddy, Grammi, Aunt B, B & L.
Our T-shirts, I love seeing his name in print!
Now, on to #3! Shan and I were talking after the walk yesterday and we both thought it would be cool if everytime a balloon was released in memory of our children there was a website people could log on to to read the story of that child and publish a comment as to where the balloon ended up. Sort of like tracing the steps our children take even though they are not here. So what do you all think of that? It is going to be a project for me, my way of knowing that William touches other people's hearts. So what do you think? Is this a good idea and is it someithing you would be interested in doing? You know, writing a post about your child and then getting comments on where your balloons are found? Let me know!
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