9 months

My dearest William,

Mommy wishes so much that you were here to celebrate this huge marker with. I miss you more than words can possibly begin to say. The last nine months have been so hard and yet, at the same time, so rewarding. I have met many miraculous women that have walked in my shoes. I don't like that I have met them for this reason but I am more grateful everyday to know them.

Daddy and I have gone through our ups and downs and as for giving you a brother or sister, well, that has yet to be decided on just one side of the fence. Mommy is ready. Another child will NEVER replace you, my dear son. You will always hold a very special place in my heart and soul. You are the one that got away. I realized the other day, when you were still here with me, living inside of me, I had asked Grammi, How will I ever let him go? How will I be strong enough to let him grow up? How will I trust that he'll choose the right things in life? Grammi said, you'll learn and one day you just will. Well, I didn't realize it then, but I realize it now, I had to let you go a whole lot earlier than my head was even allowing for and my heart, oh, my dear child, my heart still doesn't want to let you go. I don't think it ever will.

More than the sun and the moon and the stars, we love you Sweet William.
Mommy and Daddy

Nine- Eleven

I've said those numbers so many times in my life. You see, my birthday is nine- eleven, nineteen-seventy-four. They roll off my tongue. Yes, today supposedly, I am another year older. Although if you ask me in person, especially today I will tell you that I am twenty-seven. Every year on this day I tell people I am twenty-seven. In 2001 I decided I no longer had to celebrate a birthday. I mean really, who wants a birthday with such a crappy conotation behind it? Not me! Then again, who the hell can forget my birthday? They may not no how old I really am, but they know when to wish me happy birthday! So, happy birthday to me!

I've had a lot of ups and downs since I last posted. We're on the ttc train again. I think I'm excited. Honestly, I don't know where my feelings are these days.

I am sorry, I haven't checked in on any of you, I hope you are all doing well. I just found it easier to stay away, it made it easier for me to function IRL.

Truly, nothing new here...nine months, William's nine month anniversary is two days away. I have mixed emotions about this also. It'll be alright though. I mean, really, I've survived this long and no one thought I would, including myself!

You all take care and thanks to all of you for checking in on me for the last month plus! I truly appreciate it!