When did I let others take over?

Oh, William. I don't know when it happened, I let others take over my thinking my thoughts of honoring you in every way I could. I know when the beginning of it was but when the fullness of it took over, I don't have a clue. Today I am feeling guilty for not giving your sister a sibling on Earth. Part of me really wants to and the other part of me knows I couldn't handle it. I think I'll stick with the part of me that can't handle it. There are other things going on too. You know those things. I've whispered them to you. I want you to help me through them and that's not fair because that's not YOUR job! Kiddo, I wonder EVERY day what life would be like with you here. I miss you soooo much and so does your sissy. More than the sun, the moon, & the stars.

And then, there were 4.

Memorial Day 2013 - We were in the car on our way to the cemeteries with Danielle. She being the curious child she is talks of how many members are in our family. "three, there are three members in our family." I say. Shan pipes up, "Four, there are four" Not really sure if he's adding in HIS brother or what I look at him. His eyes say it all and then his voice, "I'm just trying to make this conversation correct, there are FOUR members in our family. One is in HEAVEN" "Yes, you are correct, how funny I got caught off guard by you! I won't let that happen again!" I say. See even when I think he isn't paying attention or has blocked the worst day of our lives out forever he reminds me, he too thinks of William daily! At the cemeteries I look around, sad sometimes that we didn't have a funeral for William and yet grateful his cremains are at home.

Return to Zero the Movie

It's been five years since we lost William. This, this is our year to BREAK THE SILENCE...Please help! There is a wonderful movie that is in need of funds to get through the final production stage. We've put in our money so William's name can be in the credits in loving memory. However, $5.00 will go a long way if this reaches as many people as I remember! Please join me in supporting this film it will show others that we NEVER forget and our relationships may be strained but they last! Please go to the kick starter campaign here: Return to Zero Kick Starter I promise to start blogging more this year. Our beautiful daughter Danielle just turned two...maybe she'll let me sit for a spell and type! :)

For my love, William

Mommy is sorry, I have been distant these days. I have to focus on your sister, help her grow and thrive here on Earth. I know you are helping too and I apologize for not writing or talking to you much these days. Please know you are never far from my thoughts or your those of your Daddy. With Danielle here we think of you more. We now know what we missed by you not making it here. I love you and promise to keep in touch more! More than the Sun, the Moon, and the Stars, Mommy

Mother's Day 2011
Mommy and Baby Danielle! Born in January...happy, healthy and yes, we are blessed!

Welcome home...

Wanted to let those of you know who check in here, we have a beautiful daughter!
Danielle was born 1/13/2011...SCREAMING! Yes, screaming! Best sound in the world! We are adjusting to parenthood here on earth and still missing William everyday! We are petrified and happy all at the same time. Sorry it took so long to let you know...I hope everyone is well! :)

3 long years

My Dearest William,

It's been 3 long years without you. I miss you more than words can say and yet, I feel you with me everyday.
I know you are watching out for the little one growing inside of me now and I know you will help this child make it here safely. It's not going to ease my pain. You will always be my first born!
In 2 days it's your Birthday, the family is gathering as we always do, we will have cupcakes this year because what's a celebration of you without cake? Of course, it's what your Daddy wants too!
I have a feeling this Birthday of yours is going to be a different feeling for me this year. I'll be sure to tell you all about it when I talk to you on your day!
More than the Sun, the Moon, and the Stars, Mommy and Daddy love you and miss you!